Is Holding a Grudge Hurting Me?
Matthew 18:21–35
21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. 23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began the reckoning, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents; 25 and as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him the lord of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. 28 But that same servant, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii;g and seizing him by the throat he said, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 He refused and went and put him in prison till he should pay the debt. 31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. 32 Then his lord summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me; 33 and should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his lord delivered him to the jailers,h till he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
The Holy Bible, Revised Standard Version; Second Catholic Edition (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 2006), Mt 18:21–35.
Forgiveness is a great tool in the Spiritual Life. Throughout all the events of life, we frequently come across different things that cause us harm, whether people betray us, criticize us, insult us, steal, wound, or any one of numerous other evils, there are people who harm us. Our concupiscent tendency, that is to say the result of sin within us, is to hold onto the hurt, the pain, the wound. In a way, I would even say that this attitude is very prideful. Part of the anatomy in the spiritual life is the question of the freedom of your heart. When we harbor un-forgiveness, what he tend to hold onto inside is not the anger itself, or the spirit of justice; rather we hold onto the hurt and pain. We tend to not want to forget too quickly the damage that another person has caused us. So we cling to the pain. Clinging to the pain becomes an almost insurmountable block to hear God's voice. As we grasp with might to the pain, we loose our ability to love. We can become obsessed with holding tight to the our sense of being wronged and needing to make it right. What we need is the freedom to love; to love God, other people, and even ourselves.
I have a suggestion on dealing with forgiveness. Over the years I have found a practice of prayer that helps me to let go of the hurt and immediate fire of anger that allows me to then forgive a person. Its a type of meditative prayer.
I like to pray following these steps:
Imagine God’s Throne room.
Place a chair in the middle of the room, facing God in His throne.
Place the person I am struggling with in the chair facing God.
I am not allowed to speak.
Pay attention to what God does and says.
Sometimes, God speaks to me, sometimes to the person, sometimes, the person speaks to God, and sometimes there is only silence.
The reason I find this prayer works to well for me is that I have prayed for the person, prayed for myself, and placed both of us into God’s presence. In giving the person to God, sometimes, God changes that person’s heart. Sometimes, God changes my heart. In the end, I have prayed and God has softened my heart and brought me closer to Himself.
Don’t let anger and grudges hold you back from the amazing life in God that is offered to you. Rather, allow Go to change you in your prayer. Pray for those who persecute you, love those who hate you, forgive those who have wronged you. Do this and you will find the freedom you need and crave so that you can love better and encounter God more profoundly.